Back to School: Helping Your Child Open Up About Their Day

The start of a new school year often comes with excitement, nerves, and many changes. As parents, we want to know how our kids are doing—both academically and emotionally. But when we ask, “How was your day?” we’re often met with the all-too-familiar: “Fine.”

It can feel frustrating when all you want is a little window into their world—what they’re learning, who they’re sitting with at lunch, how they’re really feeling about school this year. But here’s the thing: it’s totally normal.

Why Kids Clam Up After School

Our kids are holding it together all day long—listening, learning, navigating friendships, following rules. By the time they get home, their brains and bodies are often running on empty. Talking about it can feel like just one more chore.

So if your child isn’t spilling all the details the second they drop their backpack, don’t worry. It doesn’t mean they don’t want to connect with you. It just means they need a little time and space before they’re ready to talk.

Little Shifts That Help Kids Open Up

Give Them a Buffer

Instead of diving in with questions right away, let them have a snack, zone out, or play a little first. You’ll usually get more out of them once they’ve had a chance to reset.

Ask Better Questions

Sometimes “How was your day?” is too big of a question. Try smaller, more specific ones:

• What was something that made you laugh today?

• Who did you sit next to at lunch?

• What’s one new thing you tried?

• What was your favorite part of the day?

• What was the hardest part?

• What’s one thing you’d like me to know about your day?

• What’s one thing you’re looking forward to tomorrow?

These kinds of questions are easier to answer and can spark a real conversation.

Make It a Routine

Kids open up when they know they’ll have regular chances to share. Some families do “highs and lows” at dinner, others talk at bedtime when kids are winding down. Pick a moment that works for your family and make it your thing.

Play It Out

For younger kids, words aren’t always the easiest way to share. They may show you what happened at recess through play, or they might want to draw their favorite part of the day. Lean into whatever helps them express themselves.

Listen First, Fix Later

Sometimes when our kids do share a struggle, our instinct is to jump in with advice. But often what they need most is just to be heard. A simple, “That sounds really hard. Thanks for telling me,” goes a long way.

Checking In on Feelings

Feelings can be tough for kids to name. A little structure helps:

• Use a feelings chart with faces.

• Ask them to pick a color that matches their mood.

• Try a simple 1–10 scale for the day.

It makes it easier for them to start talking—and once they start, the rest usually follows.

The Big Picture

Even if your child only shares one small detail each day, that’s still connection. Over time, those little windows add up to a bigger picture. What matters most is that your child feels you’re there, ready to listen whenever they’re ready to talk.

So the next time you hear “Fine,” take a breath, offer a snack, and know that the stories will come—sometimes in pieces, sometimes in bursts, but always in their own time.